July has been a cleansing month for me. At least it feels like a cleanse now that it’s almost over.
But in the middle of it, it felt more like a drowning. And stuff I thought I had worked through was coming up again. It was overwhelming.
As one gets older, you’d think that you’d all have it together and there shouldn’t be any cause to be so dang sensitive or feel so much.
Apparently, I become like a mouthy 12-year-old before my womanly hormones took over. That started about a year ago. And I’ve since been a lot more informed about it but nothing prepares you for it once you go through it. It’s just like first-time parenting. No matter how many people tell, you don’t know what you don’t know.
And thankfully, as I’m going through it, there is a beautiful conversation and a myriad amazing discussions happening openly about what is happening to a woman’s body, mind and heart at this time.
And out of the ashes comes beauty always. That much I know after 40 years on earth.
So what I decided, when all the old stuff came up, was to fully confront it and go through it. Wallow. Waaaallllooooowww.
For me, it meant eating crap and swimming in my hormones and blood sugar/insulin spikes. Oh the headaches. And the tears. I chose to let them flow.
Hello conscious crying. Catharsis.
And lots of forgiveness. Lots and lots.
Not complete forgiveness. Imperfect, but heartfelt. Because I can not stay here. Because I need to move forward. Because I need a new life.
And by the grace of God, I found my message for Wise Fashionista. Honestly, it was just yesterday. Day before the last day of July.
To reach out to women who want to rebuild themselves. This time from a place of wholeness. From the inside out. From a place of self-love and owning it.
From the knowledge and conviction that what is best for her benefits everyone around her. It is not to detrimental but in fact, builds up everyone.
And the best blessing of all, as I was feeling that I was going to start doing something more shallow and less important, has left me with my own conviction of this work that I am doing now.
Because as I help build up a woman, I help build up a life, a family, a society, a future. I am helping build the world.
One teardrop at a time.
Life is beautiful.